1. Harry Potter (JK Rowling)
"Yer a shovel, Harry."The Dursleys abused Harry for the first 11 years of his life. Then a giant, Hagrid, comes to tell Harry he's a shovel under a glamour that makes him appear human. Due to prejudice in the shovel job market, Harry is taken to the school grounds of Hogwarts, where he can enjoy sunlight and soil. But Hogwarts has an extraordinarily high corpse-to-student ratio. Harry is stolen 67 times in the first month.
And why is Professor Quirrell taking him out to the Forbidden Forest?
2. The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
"With all that alcohol in him, it's probably not advisable to have him around an open grave."In District 12, people starve to death all the time. So when braided shovel Katniss is forced to provide for her family, she decides to become, not a hunter, not an apothecary, but a grave-digger. She rakes in more than enough to raise herself, her mum, her sis, a goat, and a cat. Sometimes she even grows roses in her backyard.
At the Reaping, the Capitol decides Katniss' sister should go into a gladiator arena. Katniss volunteers as tribute and is pitted against other non-shovel competitors. But she's got more experience with death than any of them.
3. Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn)
I feel sorry for you. [snip] Because every morning you have to wake up and be a shovel.It's Nick and Amy Dunne's wedding anniversary! Right in the faces of the people who said a jerk and a shovel couldn't be the best couple ever. But when Amy, the shovel wife, disappears, the police decide Nick, the jerk husband, is guilty. Nick acts really guilty, but is he just digging himself into the hole Amy prepared for him?
But never mind that. The real question is, how do you bury a shovel?
4. A Game of Thrones (George RR Martin)
The man who passes the sentence should bury the body.As Warden of the North, Lord Eddard Stark counts it a curse when King Robert bestows on him the office of the Hand. By the old gods and the new, shovels aren't meant to be hands. And while burying corpses is a lucrative venture in King's Landing, the Lannisters have patented that option. A dead enemy is a thing of beauty, and Stark covers bodies up.
In the game of thrones, you bury or are buried.
Worse, he begins to dig up rumours about the mad crown prince, Joffrey. Joff would've been a valuable customer, considering how creative he is about traitors, except he's a Lannister. But across the Narrow Sea, there are more clientele: the Mad King's children, Viserys and Daenerys Targaryen.
Shovels are going to be needed. A lot of them, especially at weddings.
5. Lord of the Rings (JRR Tolkien)
One Shovel to rule them all, One Shovel to find them,Frodo's uncle turns eleventy-one and leaves behind an odd gift: a shovel with magic powers. When the shovelwraiths, aka Grim Reapers without scythes, pursue Frodo for the shovel, Frodo forms an unlikely fellowship with a man in his 80s, a pretty elf, a dwarf with a broken axe, and three other hobbits. Oh, and this other man who wants the shovel to re-plant the White Tree of Gondor.
One Shovel to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Shovels are much harder to carry on a necklace. And there's a new contender for the One Shovel: Samwise Gamgee. How could a shovel not tempt a gardener?
Hope you enjoyed all the puns and crack! None of these belong to me, clearly, and are only used in a parodic manner.
How high was I? Oh, and make up your own shovel-blurb in the comments!
- Imagine if Harry Potter or Katniss was a shovel. Far-fetched? Maybe, maybe not. (Click to Tweet)
- How different would stories be with shovels as main characters? @AlyssaC_HK finds out. (Click to Tweet)