Wednesday, 25 March 2015

The Student's Guide to Socializing

The Student's Guide is a blog series designed to reflect a certain blogger's snark when confronting school while also imparting useful advice to fellow apocalypse survivors on how to become successful in school without becoming a robot of the education system.

I have a confession. I am the worst person ever to take socializing advice from.

I don't just mean I'm anti-social. There's nothing wrong with standing in the corner with your slice of cake. I'm the person who eats the cake, trashes it, and throws a slice of cake in someone else's face after insulting them. Not good.

So please note the <sarcasm> tags in this post. Simple icebreaking advice, remember not to put caesium on it.*
x
1. Start off with your interests.

We all love classic literature and/or science. Rant about Shakespeare and mitochondria and the crystallisation of Germanium(II)! And if, by some impossible miracle, this actually works, the double nerdiness and/or fangirling will definitely scare off everyone else in the vicinity.

Fun fact: this random girl was annoying me in the lab by pretending I was a specimen. I recited Galadriel's "terrible as the dawn" lines to her. When she refused to back off, I began narrating the history of FĂ«anor and the Elven Rings. That worked. See? Interests.

2. Refuse to "add" people.
Just ignore all of them. All that nonsense you don't care about will clog up your news feed (or dashboard or equivalent), and honestly, you don't have time for such mediocre socialising. A post about yet another ruined relationship will get 100+ likes while your enlightening tirade on why Black Widow deserves a solo movie will be sadly ignored.

I mean, if you really needed to find someone and email isn't working, just blow up the neighbouring block.

3. Hide during group photo times.

It's not worth getting out of your lovely seat to smile at a camera and pray you don't blink because of the flash. Ignore them. Say "no". No means no. So what if they end up tagging you as part of the background? Your face is part of your body, and your body, your rules.

</sarcasm>

What socialising "tips" and experience do you have for introverts? Comment below!


Socialise on Twitter now and share this post:
  • The BEST #socialising tips for #students (note: much sarcasm). (Click to Tweet)
For more "life tips", subscribe here for bonus introvert takeout right in your inbox!

*Caesium reacts explosively with water. Not sure with ice directly, but even if there isn't enough energy initially, the ice will melt. Sorry. Ignore me. *hides under rock*

22 comments:

  1. what a a helpful guide! I so deeply appreciate this advice, I will now immediately follow it. I know that if I follow it, I will become popular (oh wait. I already am.) I have completely not got over 30 friend request I haven't responded to yet. No, I would never feel it was impolite to deny it but not want to respond to it. I could never possibly have empathy with this dilemma or any others that you have so intelligently and kindly added. That would be absolutely ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course. Such sage advice needs to be implemented immediately. And obviously all the unanswered friend requests are testament to your popularity. XD

      Delete
  2. *sigh* I know how it is. Everyone wants to be your friend, and when you do, you just have to let your inner Elvish star shine. I recommend writing random stuff in Elvish on your pants so that when your local Heather notices during philosophy you can explain to her all the things it means, or, if that is not up your alley, memorizing every Pokemon ever and then describing them in detail to your local Heather so that she has something to listen to while she eats. I am sure she will not run away so fast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sighs along* The light of the Silmarils cannot be dimmed. And the pesky teachers who nag you about writing on your uniform are simply jealous. And which self-respecting socialite doesn't know ALL the Pokemon? If she doesn't, it's our duty to educate them.

      Delete
  3. Heh, and let's pour acid in their tea. (I'm kidding, of course! I'm not that morbid.) But seriously, these are great tips; I shall now follow them and become the most popular girl in school ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *chemist enters* Tea actually naturally has acid -- I think it's called tartaric acid. And I look forward to seeing you shine XD

      Delete
  4. Oh yes, being sarcastic for the win. It is so wierd when your second cousin who you met once or your brothers friend friend request you on facebook. Stick to goodreads, guys. And who doesn't love Lord of the Rings. Or hearing about eragon and the old kingdom all the time? No one, thats who.
    This is actually a really good way to make sure your friends are people who actually like you and share your interests. But you have to be open-minded, as one of my best friends came to school today distraught, as Zayn has left One Dirction. Who cares?
    http://weavingwaveswords.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GOODREADS. Of course. I'm actually slacking off on GR, whoops. But you're right, we should take these discussions into real life and pester people about everything. (Obviously, a good dollop of sarcasm is necessary to buoy us through school life.)

      Delete
  5. This is such a great post. I especially hate group photos. I don't know why specifically, but I just really dislike them.

    I think it's best to stand in your corner with your cake, and wait for the right person to share it with. Or, if you're a bit more extroverted, take the cake with you and go looking for the right person. Don't share it with just anyone, because that is something you will seriously regret.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Nivedha! Your dp looks absolutely awesome :D (And this is aprticularly ironic in light of the fact that you dislike group photos.) Of course, cake must be hoarded at all costs. Share only with other takeout-respecting people. *nods*

      Delete
    2. Thanks! Haha, you can probably tell that I love yellow. And Zuko.

      Delete
    3. *whispers* I had to Google that. Oops.

      Delete
  6. Omg, I did not need this extra encouragement. I SUCK AT SOCIALISING SO MUCH. I used to have people tell me about events and I would be like, "Um, yeah, I was there." Wallflower? Here I be.
    SO. I will use AAAALL your helpful tips for my socialising needs. *nods* Particularly #3. Also I want to throw cake. If you get to, I get to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EMPATHY. Much empathy. I haven't been ignored quite that much at events before, mainly because I make such a fuss about group photos and stuff. I SHALL NOT BE IGNORED. *cough cough*

      Cake is definitely good for throwing. Better for eating, but hey, it's better than snowball fights.

      Delete
  7. Bwhahahha this made me chuckle a LOT! Especially since I randomly deleted my FB one day because I was sick of humans in general. And have about 30 requests on GRs (that your post actually is prompting me to go through right now) that are unanswered. Because I don't WANT to accept the person who requested me who only reads like, horse erotica, but I hate saying no.

    Just... this post is fantastic. I feel you.
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad it was amusing :D I haven't deleted social media accounts out of irritation before, but I do often let them dwindle. Ahaha, I also have GR notifications I've been steadily ignoring. Mainly because I want to respond to them, but I want to to do *later*. (Then later becomes never.)

      Thank you so much!

      Delete
  8. I NEED THIS.

    I'm probably the most awkward person until someone starts talking to me. I'm really good at making friends but I'm the kind of person who needs to be pushed off a cliff in order to fly, as cheesy as it sounds. [I'm also listening to Wings by little mix so there's that.] Anyway, I find that interests are DEFINITELY the best place to start! I also like telling weird stories about things that happened in my week so it makes the person I'm talking to seem like we're friends

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a mindset I haven't seen before! I normally am very passive in conversations unless there's a compelling need for one, e.g. group projects for homework. So unless we happen to hit the exact right niche for anecdotes, I normally can't connect.

      Thanks for dropping by, Nova!

      Delete
  9. Alyssa, thank the gods we have you here to impart such erudite wisdom upon us. All this time I was over here in the corner thinking I would have to be a loner for the rest of my life, sitting here crying over my cake and my takeout... but no! Thanks to these infallible tips, I'll probably be tripping over all my Facebook friend requests in no time. All thanks to you, of course. I don't know what I'd do without you.

    *runs off to re-read LOTR + study the Periodic Table*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *gives you more takeout* Why, you ask? To share with all your new friends, of course! No need to thank me, Topaz; I know how effective takeout fangirling is for making friends. Don't forget to add the Silmarillion to the pile!

      Delete
  10. This is absolutely hysterical! I LOVE sharing my interests :D (ESPECIALLY when it succeeds in scaring people off). And I love it when those interests are returned in kind and we end up scaring people off TOGETHER. Those are the BEST conversations. I have a few math geek friends at work and we regularly engage in weird math geek conversations. Because there's about 4 of us who majored in math, and nobody else in the group has a particularly strong math background. Oh the jokes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, thanks Liza! Yes, it gets worse when that happens, but it is rather fun to watch someone's distressed/disconcerted face as you explain the complexities of the atomic model ... let's just hope I don't end up in a room with political science geeks or something :D

      Delete

IMPORTANT: Please use Name/URL instead of Wordpress/OpenID to comment, otherwise Blogger hobbits will eat your words. So sorry about this. Thanks!

I respond to all comments and would love to check out your blog if you leave a link :D Unless it's spam. Then I'll delete the comment and put you on the takeout blacklist, what a shame!