Saturday, 19 July 2014

The Student's Guide to Enjoying School

I can feel your eye-rolls from across the globe. It is possible to enjoy school? Surprisingly, yes, even for your favorite random morbid insane blogger who heaps snark at everything.

By the way, this blog post was triggered by a discussion with the lovely Nivedha over at Infrared Pedestrian—go check her out! (But remember to come back, even though her blog is awesome.)

Warning: Snark level is lower than usual. It is still absurdly high.

Assumption: School per se is not oppression, it is the institution of school that is.

That sounds like BS, but school is comprised of people, no? Students, teachers, the principal, the cat ... in their own ways, all of these people are also being oppressed. Here's how to enjoy school by sympathizing, empathizing, or petting these various groups:

Thesis: By connecting with other oppressed people, you will become less oppressed.

1. Other students

Logically, it shouldn't be hard to connect with this bunch. You're all in the same boat, right? Well, funnily enough, some people like to push others out of the boat. Or use them as a sail. Or carve them up to supplement their ascorbic acid intake. Or ... you get the point.

So how do you stop yourself from getting pushed out? By making sure you steer the boat, or at least a slice of it. Start offering help on your best subject, except to the straight-A student. Make witty comments. Most of all, mock the common enemy, perceived as teachers. (The aforementioned straight-A student may also qualify.) However, at the same time, tackle that group:

2. Teachers

Those eyes are rolling out of their sockets now. Yes, teachers are being oppressed too. You think they actually want to stand around in classrooms full of kids going on Tumblr and ramble about things only they understand?

You want to do some careful evaluation first, of course, but try complaining about things that also affect them. Weirdo timetables that put lunch at 2. Skipping important concepts in the syllabus (no, teachers don't want to do that). If you want to take it really far, ask questions out of the syllabus, but that is likely to cost you the friendship of group 1.

If you really feel that you can't connect with the people who give you a D, remember that by doing so, you might just raise that grade to a C-.

3. The principal

... wait, don't. Just run and never be important enough to attract his/her attention.

If you do get noticed, you have two options of doing something that is vaguely meaningful. The boring one is to list out suggestions in the most politely worded way possible. This is unlikely to yield anything but will create the impression of you being a revolutionary.

The more interesting one, and the one I recommend, is to list out insults in the most politely worded way possible, and preferably without making him/her notice. This will make you feel genuinely amused when talking with him/her and s/he will mistake that as you liking the conversation.

Bonus: Afterwards, you can connect with group 1 by recounting how the principal is clueless. Two birds with one stone.

4. The cat

If all fails, pet this little fellow and feed it some food. It probably needs more love than sleepy students shambling past it in the morning. It'll warm up to you straight away, and cats are sooooo adorable. A little cuteness can only make your day better.

Conclusion: This blogger is incapable of staying on topic and will fail this essay.

1 comment:

  1. Ahaha, I grinned so much reading this post. And coincidentally, my cat is the only thing keeping me sane as I tackle this school year.

    (Oh, and I don't know if you replied to my email - I seem to have lost the password, and Outlook will only allow me to retry on Saturday. Gahh.)

    ReplyDelete

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