Summary: Brutus and conspirators lose and commit suicide.
Octavius and Antony talk about battle plans. Apparently Brutus & co. showed up despite Antony's prediction they'd hide. Antony is all defensive and "it's just a ploy!"
They have some pre-battle chats with Brutus & co. Antony says several variations of "You killed Caesar" in iambic pentameter, while Brutus fails to defend themselves. Octavius perks up and says he's drawing a sword. He draws a sword, and says he won't put it back until Caesar's 33 wounds are avenged.
Why is anyone counting? And how would Octavius know, since he never saw the body?
They decide to settle it on the battlefield, and Antony and Octavius leave.
This guy called Messala talks with Cassius and Brutus. They talk about omens. Messala leaves. Cassius asks "what if we fail?" and Brutus implies suicide. Then they part to prepare to battle.
Brutus gets Messala to get some soldiers to attack Octavius' apparently weak troops.
Cassius just killed the standard-bearer for running away. I guess a court-martial is too much to ask.
A guy called Titinius narrates that Brutus mistimed his attack and Antony is surrounding them. A guy called Pindarus narrates that Antony's overrun the camp.
Cassius gives a couple orders and prepares to die. Then he gets Pindarus to kill him. He dies. Pindarus decides to run away from Rome.
Titinius comes in to narrate that Brutus beat Octavius while Antony beat Cassius. Unfortunately, Cassius' corpse doesn't rejoice. Tintinius is distressed and kills himself. (Hamlet vibes, anyone?)
Brutus comes in, mourns a bit, then goes off to fight again.
This guy Lucilius pretends to be Brutus and Antony's soldiers capture him. Antony declares "no enemy / Shall ever take alive the noble Brutus", which I guess was foreshadowing. He sends his men to see whether Brutus is dead and get news from Octavius.
Brutus whispers an order to this guy called Clitus. Clitus refuses. *chirpy tone* Guess what it is? He does the same to Dardanius. Then,
CLITUS Oh Dardanius.
DARDANIUS Oh Clitus.It could be just me, but I'm getting homoerotic vibes.
Brutus asked them to kill him. Caesar's ghost appeared to him in an earlier scene, and last night. His hour is come.
The call to arms or alarum continues "ringing". Brutus says there is more glory in this (death)day than in Antony's success. He has his men flee and says he'll follow. Yeah, right.
Brutus commits suicide. I did say so.
Antony walks in and praises Brutus and conspirators to the skies. I take it with a grain of salt — remember when you promised not to blame them for Caesar's death? Oh, and when you called them 'honorable' to incite a civil war? Yep, that's a whole packet of NaCl there.
Antony and Octavius walk off to celebrate "the glories of this happy day". Yay.