Friday, 25 October 2013

Wreathed in Fire

Insanity Rating: 10/10
Morbidness Rating: 999999999999/??

Read at your own risk.

I don't know why I exist. I don't know why I should exist. Why should I exist?

Once, I knew the answer to that question.

At least, I thought I knew. Now, I'm not so sure. Some part of me protests I still know the answer. I have things (I think) I like. I have things (I think) I'm good at. I have things (I think) I want.

"Don't think. Feel." — Qui-Gon Jinn, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (and lots of other Jedi)

Frankly speaking? I feel nothing. There were some things I took to define me. Reading. Writing. Dabbling in insanity. Studying the chemistry and biology textbooks ahead of time. I didn't lose that, not really — but there's no meaning left behind. I don't know why I'm doing it.

I feel nothing.

Is that what I am? Nothing? Because I know I lost something — not something real, not tangible, but some sort of of surety. And if I lost something, that means I had something to lose to start with — only question is, do I have anything left?

I don't know the answer to that question either. I'm not going to give up the things I love, not by a long shot — but whether that even matters, I don't know. The only thing I know is this:

If I have to go down, I will go down wreathed in fire.*


Rant over. Nihilistic, huh?

*(Inspired by Starflower's The Silence, which was taken down and is much missed. Not only by me, I'm sure.)

4 comments:

  1. Gosh. I never know what to say on rants. Mostly, when I rant, it's more bitching and whining than meaningful things like this post.

    Anyway, I think we exist because we love certain people. Not things, not hobbies. We love some people. Sorry if that was cliche or made little to no sense or was tacky. Good luck with everything. :)

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  2. Or maybe it's because we might miss living, we might miss things that we love. Ugh, I'm a little scatterbrained today.

    On a lighter note, I would put you on a shrine and worship you day and night if you would please check out my blog. (A follow would be much appreciated, but only if it's deserved.)

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  3. Well. That was... powerful, to say the least.

    *gets to bottom of post*

    Oh my goodness you actually remember The Silence? Thank you ;)

    (On a side note, I took it down to pursue publication in a lit mag for it. Hopefully if it ever does get published, I can let you know.)

    - Starflower

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    Replies
    1. No problem at all, it was very, very good. Absolutely breathtaking. Good luck on getting it published!

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